Things Better Left Unsaid...Part 1

You know, there are some things that should just remain unsaid, and by some, I mean a lot. Most of the crap that comes out of my mouth in real life should probably go unsaid, but in general it doesn't stop me from actually saying it. Anyway, that's where this helpful guide to things that you shouldn't say in public comes in handy. I want you to go through a less embarrassing life that you already have, so read on about those things that you shouldn't say and learn a lesson.

Here's the situation:

You're coming out of the bathroom at work and that hot chick/guy are about to walk in right after you just gave birth to some brown (or heaven forbid green) babies.

Don't say:

You may want to use the other bathroom down the hall, I had some bad and I had to get rid of it in a hurry.

Instead say:

Whoa! Someone totally effed up the bathroom and stunk it up like cigarette's, wet dog, and hot garbage, I had to hold my breath while I washed my hands.

See how that works? Sure, you did the crime and you deserve the public humiliation or at least the humiliation of his/her circle of friends knowing you took a most heinous crap while on work premises. But, since they can't really pin it on you (hopefully) you don't have to 'fess up to it.

So, let that be a lesson to you. Never take a crap while at work. Always bring it home with you. Lesson learned.