An Open Letter To My Best Friend (Circa 1984-1985)

The following really and truly happened. Seriously.

Dear Bestest Friend from 1984 or 1985 (or whatever year that was when we were best friends),

Hey, I haven't seen you in years. It's been a long time, I don't even know what name you're going by today since you've Americanized yourself. Back then we were a couple of kids running loose around the block. There's something that I need to tell you. For that matter it's something I probably should've told you when it happened, but I was young, I didn't know any better. Heck, I probably still don't know any better, but I'm just going to go ahead and spit it out anyway. There was a day that I was at your house, I wandered around looking for you. You weren't in the living room or the kitchen. You weren't in your bedroom. I then walked down the hallway, mayhaps you were in your parents room? The door was open I figured I'd just look in and see if you were in there, what I saw was definitely unexpected to say the least. Apparently your mom was changing or had just come out of the shower. She had no top on. She was topless. She was wearing no shirt. She was letting it all hang loose. She was throwing caution to the wind. She was a girl gone wild. Look, what I'm trying to say is that I saw your mom's boobs. There I said it. Now, I'm telling you that I'm sorry. Whew. I feel so much better. A heavy weight lifted. By the way I saw your grandma, too. But I think you already knew that one, she always hung out in the backyard letting them babies air out or sunning them or whatever the hell she did when she was back there. *blech* Anyway, sorry about that, I'd apologize to your face, but you moved away long ago. I haven't seen hide nor hair of you in the past two decades, though, I did see your older sister in high school. I heard she really busted out, I almost regret not seeing her the time I walked into her room. So, yeah. I hope you accept my apology, I didn't mean to see your mom topless. She should've closed the door, though. Yup.


Sincerely,
Red