Shall I Compare Thee To A Hot Pocket?

Here's a little something I had bugging me for a few days, I fleshed it out and based it (obviously) on the Shakespearean Sonnet "Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day?"

Shall I compare thee to a Hot Pocket?
Thou art more lovely and cooler to the touch.
Preservatives do keep you good until May,
And that's a not to short a shelf life.
Sometime too hot your filling gets,
And often is your gold complexion dimm'd,
And every sale from sale price declines,
By chance or nature's changing course at full retail;
But thy eternal tastiness shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that warm, crispy, tender yet flaky crust;
Nor shall Hunger brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines of variety and flavors thou grow'st:
So long as men can eat or mouths can taste,
So long lives the Hot Pocket not a crumb to waste.


I probably could have done better, but then again what do I care, I'm obviously grasping for content.

Things Better Left Unsaid

You know, if you're late to work you're better off lying about the reason for it. I mean, you don't want to tell your boss the real reason so a traffic accident is always good, but maybe too predictable. You can say there was construction, but if they know the route you come from that's a bad choice as well. Worse off though, this excuse:

Boss: Hey, I noticed you clocked in 10 minutes late, you want to tell me the REAL reason you were late?
Employee: Well, I was flipping through the channels on the television this morning and I hit the Spanish channel, you know Telemundo, and they've got this super hot weathergirl with a big stormfront, if you know what I'm saying. Anyway, I got all hot and bothered and...well...basically, I'm late because I was watching porn.
Boss:...

Yeah, that's a bad decision. You're better off telling them your car got towed and you had to take the bus in. That is of course, provided they can't see your car or don't know what you drive.

By the way, this was inspired a bit by a local TV personality who was told by an executive that the reason the morning news has such good looking weathergirl's (meteorologist title be damned) is so that men could "touch" themselves in the morning while watching the news. I'm inclined to believe this as the level of hotness on the morning news weathergirl's is disproportionate to that of the evening news, when it's mostly a male dominated field. Don't believe me? See for yourself.