Imitation. Turns Out It's Not the Sincerest Form of Flattery (NSFW?)

It's true. It's not. At least not anymore. Do you want to know why? Because it's been supplanted by masturbation. Yup. Think about it, seriously. What could possibly be more sincere than someone thinking about you and performing an act of self-love with you in mind (and in hand)? Sure, I guess you could get all self-conscious and think it's disgusting, or maybe you're religious, or whatever. But that person thinking about you in just such a way that it gets them to perform an act of "shame" on themselves, doesn't that flatter you in any way at all? I mean, I think I would be flattered if a chick told me that she was at home, all alone (hell it'd be more flattering if she wasn't!), thinking of me and she just decided to go all Divinyls on me. I would think it was awesome. Maybe it's just me. Well, me and all the Playboy models, eh? I don't know I just think that if someone takes the time to take a mental picture of me for ol' the "spank bank" it's not a bad thing. There are worse things they could do in all reality. Maybe I change my mind if a dude tells me he was wang-chunging with me in mind, though, I guess it's still a compliment, even if it is a little back-handed...Sorry, had to do that.

So, you see, imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery, not in 2008 because acts of self-love have moved in. I think it's only that much more flattering that they would think of you in that way, I mean, it's an intimate act between you and whatever you wish was the other person, whether it's some sort of device, old school handy action, or a "Sally" (a term I once heard Tracy Morgan use to describe a sandwich bag full of lube tucked in between the couch cushions, which would also include a warm towel and a guy's junk, you go ahead and put two and two together now), whatever your method it's all good. See it any way that you want to. Personally, I'm flattered. Oh, and no, I'm not sending you any pictures of me. I do appreciate the offer, though. I also appreciate your comments if you disagree.

No One Ever Says...

It's weird because people never really say things like:

"I'm looking for a high maintenance boyfriend/girlfriend."

I guess you just end up with one.




Girls never say the things guys say like:

"He's a little overweight, but he's got a cute face."

They're just as shallow as guys, if not more, apparently.




Then again, guys never say:

"I like my women the same way I like my peanut butter...chunky."

Well, some do. I take that back.