I Hate Your Phones Ringtone

I do. I really do. No, seriously. I truly do. It's not even for effect or for satire, but because I just think that your ringtone sucks sweaty gorilla sack after he's just mated and smothered feces on it. Yeah, that much. I guess I should explain, I mean, I could technically just leave it at that and in and of itself I guess it would probably be funnier that way, but then what would be the point in it? Look, the truth is that if you're just too lazy to change your factory set ringtone then by extension, I can't stand it. When a phone rings and three or four people have to look down and see whether it's their phone or not then you're not doing a good enough job to distinguish yourself from the other sheep. Look, at the very least change it to one of the other six retarded ringtones that your phone came with. Now, contrary to that if you've got one of those custom ringtones that you clearly paid $2.99 for from your retarded cell phone company then you're annoying me equally. You know, whatever it is that is the rap/pop/country/ranchero hit of the moment. That shit sucks, too. You've clearly not progressed far enough technologically to figure out how to custom make your own ringtones.

I know, this leaves a very fine line for you to select a ringtone, but that's ok. Your shit sucks anyway, you need to realize this, you need to be told the truth. Justin Timberlake's "Bringing Sexy Back" as a ringtone isn't going to do anything, but embarrass you when you're around a group of strangers. I swear it will. So, how about your just put your phone on vibrate and call it a day.

The weird thing is that it's always the crappy free phones and the really high end phones that offend the most. The rest of us fall in between. Now, if you'd excuse me I've got to go make myself some more custom ringtones and no I won't tell you what ringtones I have, I'm way too embarrassed. *sigh* Actually, it's custom for everyone who calls me. Everyone of my contacts who calls me on any sort of consistent basis has their own ringtone, so that I can differentiate who is calling me and whether I even want to pick it up to begin with.

Oh, and I'll almost excuse you if you've got video game music in there, as long as when I look at you I see cool nerd and not just total dumbass douche. The more 8-bit the better. At this point, though, that excludes the Super Mario Bros. theme song because everyone and their mom has used that one up like penicillin after hooking up with Colin Ferrell.

Ok, I'll admit this ain't my best work, but I'll pretend to update this every now and again.